I have to admit it feels strange writing again after so much time has passed. So many things have happened in my life that I don’t know where to begin.
My last blog post, which was supposed to be a simple review of a Billie Ellish song, ended up being an actual reflection of my current life. I didn’t want to be me anymore. During that time, I had been battling some form of depression. It feels strange admitting that out loud because there’s still such a stigma about it, especially if you’re in the Christian community like myself. For a long time, I thought I was just in a slump and that I’d soon come out of it as time passed, but I soon realized that wasn’t the case. Looking back, I may have had functioning depression, if that’s even a thing. I was still moving about my day-to-day, but inside it felt like what was the point when it felt like everyone else’s life was progressing forward, and I was at a standstill. I dealt with this for about three years. This feeling that everyone was living their “best life” and I was stuck on the sidelines.
During those three years, I recall putting myself on the back burner for others. Dealing with what everyone else wanted in life but never asking myself what I wanted. I remember staying up at night, crying and praying, wondering when it would be my turn. Never receiving any answer, I internally became angry with God and just decided to go through the motions of my day-to-day life. But one day, things began to change…
I’ve always wanted to travel the world and even live in another country. It’s been a desire of mine for as long as I can remember. One day, my father mentioned getting a TESOL certification, which would allow me to travel and live in another country. He had made this recommendation before, but I’ve always said no because teaching wasn’t appealing to me. This time, though, I decided to say yes; I was already at a job I hated; my depression was getting the best of me. I felt like I had nothing to lose. I figured what’s the worst that could happen.
Fast forward to February 2019, after passing my certification exam and a series of job interviews, I was on a flight headed to South Korea to begin my journey as an English Teacher.
It’s been 2 years since I’ve embarked on this journey and it’s been clear that God has been with me every step of the way. It hasn’t been easy adjusting to living in a new country, especially in the middle of a pandemic, but I wouldn’t trade it for the world. I may have wanted to come to South Korea a lot sooner, but in my renewed faith I recognize that there’s a time and season for everything, and I have to simply trust in God that He knows what’s best. I look forward to seeing in what other ways God will blow my mind and show me that He has in fact but been listening all along.
I’m excited to be writing again and even venturing into other aspects of expressing my voice. I hope those who may have started this journey with me, will continue with me as I learn more about myself in this new chapter, and if you’re new, I welcome you because we’re both in for the ride of our lives together.
For the Love of Music 